Two samples today, because I feel like it. And, I suppose, because it's been a while.
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Miren chuckled and shook his head. “So innocent of the power within you. Saera,” said Miren, shuffling the chains around between his fingers, “Aundes’s light penetrates corruption. The master is afraid that you might know how to use this against his men. The way of the Order has slowly corrupted their souls, and if they are too corrupt, there wouldn’t be anything left when you were done.”
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“He says you can burn our souls through our eyes.”
“Oh, yes,” mocked Saera. “And you wouldn’t want me doing that. You see, when I burn your soul, you can never go to the gods. Never.”
He stopped and stared blankly into the distance.
“You remain here, a phantom watching over your rotting corpse into eternity. Eternity’s a long time, my friend.”

(This book is a work-in-progress.)

Eoin’s sister, Saera, is afflicted. Seven years ago, while venturing into a cave behind a waterfall, she absorbed the Aura of the Goddess of Light, who cultivates war by making men blind to one another.

In order to understand some of the jokes in ths excerpt, I will give you some information about the scene just preceding. Early on, we meet Faine's horse, and he has named her Nardéa. Nardéa, apparently, is the Válkian word for fierce. When they go to Emareus, the capital city of this country, they find themselves at the house of a Gifted, a woman with Kathes Aura.

This woman, awkwardly also named Nardéa, doesn't know how to control her Aura, and her home is basically an indoor forest, while outside her garden and walls are overgrown. Saera calls the place "weird". Faine jokes that the woman should have been called Loccâda instead - the Válkian word for stubborn - when she says she won't join them to help Meira against Duthonne.

Enjoy!
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For quite a long time, I have planned to write Aundes Aura in two parts. Not two books, but two parts to the book.

In this way, I was going to flesh out the parts separately so I would have story of decent length, and then cut it down until it really is the best it can be (that is, after content revisions, of course).

Whether the book is in two parts or not in the end, I don't know, but it's easier for me to think about it this way.

I think about the parts as though they are two smaller books. I have given the first part its own beginning, middle, climax and end. However, I've left the first part not quite resolved, and the resolution comes in Part II.

The ideas I had for Part II were always extremely vague. They were bland and seemed to involve just travelling around without a solid purpose.

[Warning: Unpurposeful rhyming ahead.]

But one night as I lay in bed, a light bulb lit up above my head. For the sake of this rhyme I should end this with red. And thankfully I kept to the meter dead.

Anyway, Part II has grown into something so epic I could never have imagined it (until, of course, a particular light bulb lit up above my head).

I'll do my best to avoid spoiling much, but I'd like to give you a general idea of how Part II will play out. I feel it will be a spectacular way to finish the Chronicles, resolving conflicts that have sprouted over hundreds of years (and several books).
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Aundes Aura
Part II

There will be three main objectives in the second part.

1. Gather the other **Gifted who are scattered around the continent of Válkia so they can send away the *Auras.
2. Find the rightful ruler of Duthonne, overthrow the Church and instate the rightful ruler.
3. Sign a treaty between Meira and Duthonne.

* Auras are "gifts" sent down from the gods to help humanity overcome its problems. This backfired when people started using them as weapons.
** The Gifted are people with Auras.

In order to do all this:

- The group splits in two. In this part, Faine will take a regular POV.

- Eoin and Saera use their father's gold locket to locate people with Auras. They hope to send the Auras back in a ritual to bring peace back to the world.

- While Eoin and Saera do this, Faine and Athrù follow the details of a family tree to help them find the rightful ruler. [Hint: It is one of the characters from the first part of the book.]

- Faine, Athrù, Eoin, Saera and the other Gifted storm the Church of Duthonne in their tower and miraculously overthrow them. They instate the rightful ruler and sign a treaty between Duthonne and Meira.

- Together in the Chamber of Kings, the Gifted gather, and through a ritual they send the Auras which spoilt humanity back to the gods where they belong.

Elena Solodow has kindly done an excerpt reading of Aundes Aura at her blog. Click here to go to the post if you want to comment on it, or you can view it below.
 

The challenge is still on, but it's had to be pushed back till tomorrow due to... repeated parental interruptions. Said parent will be off at work tomorrow, so the day will be mine.

This is just a quick notice to let you guys know that Aundes Aura: Chapter Five is up for review as of right now since Wednesday. So if you're interested in reading or critiquing it, feel free to drop by the fantasy queue.

I'm going to try to get a few words in now just before I go to sleep.

I've been told that the name of one of my characters (Echo) looks similar to the main character's name (Eoin), and that skimming readers could easily get confused. I completely agree.

I'm considering changing the name, and I'd like some opinions. The best I've come up with so far is:

Athrù: Irish for "change".

The siginificance: Something in "Echo's" past caused him to change his name -- take on a nickname (that being Athrù/Echo). The name signifies a change he tried to make in himself.

All thoughts and suggestions are warmly invited (please). I'd really like to find the best possible name for this character.

Tonight I passed 20,000 words! I am so, so close to passing the word count at which I stopped writing my previous concept of the novel. It seems like I've got a decent amount of plot and depth left in this to make it the whole way. I just have to keep going.

I may take a break sometimes, but I can't let this one pass me by like every other long story I have ever attempted. I strongly believe that this one is just that good. And, I absolutely adore it and I want to see it completed, and then improved, and then published.

And I am not naive at all as far as the publishing world at all. I already have a plan. But I can't go to step three without having first reached step two.

So my aim is to finish step one. And whether that happens by the end of next year, or the one after, I WILL do it.

Upcoming post: A Milestone Celebration: Every Thousand Words

I wrote a section where Faine scouts ahead, taking the two horses for a run, and Saera wakes Eoin and pretends that Faine was taken during the night, as well as the two horses they have been travelling with.
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Eoin crossed the road to where Saera slept on the grass and Faine slept with his back propped against the rock’s side. When Eoin whispered his name, his eyes shot open. Before Eoin could say anything, Faine nodded, got up and crossed the road.

Eoin lay on his side so his sheath would not disturb his comfort, but it was disturbed regardless by stones and twigs. He shuffled around until he lay once more on his stomach, and drifted to sleep.

***

Eoin woke at the sun's rising to someone shaking him. He blinked several times, then looked up at Saera with squinted eyes. Her hands were clasped together in front of her and Eoin could see the whites of her knuckles.

"It's Faine," she said. "I don't know where he is. I think he was taken while we were asleep."

Eoin shot up. Faine was neither over the road where he should have been taking watch, nor on this side where he would otherwise have been sleeping. Eoin ran across the road and searched for any signs as to what had happened. He found no prints in the dirt. No disruption of the leaves. No signs of a struggle. Eoin looked up the road in search of a track. He found the trails of two horses leading along the road and around a corner, behind the trees. The horses Eoin, Saera and Faine had taken from the cart had been tied up, but now they were both gone.

“That’s it!” said Eoin. “They’ve taken Faine and the horses. We’ve got no protection and no steeds."
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The thing now is, I'm not sure if Saera's really joking, or if Faine's actually been taken. I think, logically in the story world, he could only be taken if first tranquilised. So I feel I should leave it as just Saera joking around. It's a strange scene because it builds tension (I hope; I can never tell) and we believe what Eoin believes, but then Saera laughs and Faine comes back down the road with the horses.

Random Fantasy Title Brainstorm: Footsteps.

This just happened to me. Here is the paragraph:

Faine walked off, humming a tune Eoin knew well from his childhood. A tune his father used to hum. A shiver ran down Eoin's spine. He remembered being tucked into bed, humming along with his father before drifting into his dreams. It was the strangest thing to hear the tune now his father was gone. It had only ever been him and Eoin who knew it. So how did Faine know it?

I love the way Eoin questions everything. It makes things so much clearer to me. Through rhetorical questions, to which the answer is always obvious, I learn so much about the characters and the story.

In this case, I discovered that Eoin and Saera's father had been friends with Faine's father. They both used to hum this tune to their children, and no one else knew it. The siblings and Faine hadn't even met each others' fathers. They may have seen them as young children, but have since forgotten them completely.

Do you ever have these moments of epiphany?

Of course, I won't take action on this Idea from my Dark Corner until Aundes Aura is finished and at least in the revision stage. Back in my first post I mentioned an Idea for a story where a Queen causes a King to fall from grace.

I recently decided, if I could flesh this out, it could be a prequel to Aundes Aura called "Three Bridges" (as Parthon has three bridges). The King was a ruler of Parthon 700 years ago, when it is said the Great War of the Gods took place. He experiences this war.

These are the bare, bare bones: The King of Parthon lives in the castle with his son; his successor to the Throne. The Queen of Meira comes to the city to meet with the King. During her stay, she poisons the prince and frames the King. The people hate him. He leaves the city and lives in the forest nearby, watching it like a friend he can see but can't speak to. By a rule instated by the King, his brother becomes King. At the end of the novel, the city is marched on by Meira. Two of the bridges are destroyed so the city's army cannot flank, and will be easily overrun, and the Meiraan army closes in. There are three Auras in use on both sides. That's why it is the Great War of the Gods.

The King is trying to rebuild his reputation for most of the novel, but when he finally regains his status and his brother is relieved of the Throne (he had been working with the Queen -- death by treason?), the Great War breaks out and the King is forced to act on it (Lead the army? Could this prove his loyalty more?).

Any thoughts on the prequel idea? Is the plot interesting enough?

Okay, that was truly horrible, but what can I say? I don't write poetry, I write stories. Actually, it reminds me of my early days parodying Harry Potter.

But this post is actually about taking your writing fast or slow.

So basically, I have been writing fast compared to the speed I used to write at (and would still write at if not for Write or Die). When I decided not to use Write or Die for my latest writing session, I realised something that I would like to share.

I'm sure most writers know this, but circumstances in the real world affect how you write your story world.

I think Chapter One kept tense most of the way through (I really hope it was). This wasn't really intended, and sort of came out with the choppiness of my scenes (which I have fixed), and the way it kept moving. I hadn't considered this, but I believe the way Write or Die was keeping me on toes -- I think it was keeping my characters on their toes. And from some of my critiquers' reactions, it kept them on their toes. Which, for the first chapter, is a good thing.

Chapter Two brings much of that tension down until the end of the chapter. Here we get to know characters a bit better: Their motivations; their feelings and memories of the past; how they feel about their place in the world. We meet a new character as well (Faine, and I believe he is much less conspicuous this time around -- just a good guy trying to help).

For my last writing session I opted against Write or Die, in favour of a slower approach. This seemed to work for me. My character was sitting in the cart, and I want the reader to feel, not the dullness, but the true feeling of being in moving cart for the best part of a day.

This was something I don't believe I could achieve with Write or Die, with a guy standing on my heels saying MOVE, MOVE, MOVE! That worked really well for Chapter One, where I wanted to keep the tension up, but when my character's sitting in a cart? No, I don't think so.

So, my suggestion is that when you want to keep the tension up, keep the action up. Keep things moving. And write fast. The conditions in which you are writing will come across within your writing.

If you are writing a slow or meaningful scene, I wouldn't suggest writing quickly. Consider how you can write the scene that would best translate the emotions to your reader, be it excitement, anxiousness, dullness or any other emotion. If your character is stalking a deer through the forest, stalk your words for the perfect sentence. If he is sitting in a cart, sit yourself in the cart. Would you be worrying about your sister's damning light all day in the cart, or would you stop worrying by the fifth hour?

Consider, consider, consider. Am I making you tense?

I think this post feels a little different than most of my others. It was not planned. I came across it when writing and thought, oh, I'll blog about that.

Now for a random excerpt, in which Eoin experiences pins and needles for the first time. Don't judge him. He has been in a cart for a thousand words.
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He found himself daydreaming as the day wore on. He stared absently out the windows, barely noticing when the bland scenery changed from sky to trees. The sound of dirt under the cart’s wheels changed to the crunching of leaves and twigs. Little by little, the sun lowered, and Eoin was brought back to the world when the cart stopped. He blinked, and lights danced in front of his eyes. All the passengers were getting out of the cart.

“Come,” said Faine. “No one is allowed to sleep in the cart.” He laughed, and made his way out of the cart, ducking so as not to scrape the roof with his head. When Eoin stood, pain shot through his feet and he fell to the floor. It was like nothing he had ever experienced, a tingling pain that danced around the soles of his feet.

He saw Saera come to the open door. With narrowed eyes, she said, “What happened? The cart looked like it was about to collapse.”

Eoin told her.

“Are you still in pain?” she asked.

It seemed the tingling in Eoin’s feet had subsided. “No, not anymore.”

“Then hurry up and get out of there. They’re locking it up soon.

I have decided to write a full outline of Aundes Aura. Below is what I have down so far. Chapter One is considerably more detailed than Chapter Two because it is already written.
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Chapter One:

• Seven years have passed and Eoin and Saera are in the market district, shopping for fruit. Saera stops Eoin; the Aura is coming back. It hasn’t shown up for perhaps two weeks. They flee the market, trying not to draw attention, and hide in an alleyway. They wait there for it to subside.

• They go to the castle and to Saera’s room. They argue how she will be able to go to the Passing ceremony tonight when there will be so many people and the Aura is coming back. Eoin says he knows a way.

• He takes her to the Church and they pray to Elcalades the Giving Father. Eoin finishes his prayer and stands. The reverend enters before Saera finishes her prayers and meets them by the statues. He gives Saera a letter and then leaves, saying he has “other duties to attend to”. Saera reads the letter and tells Eoin that they have to leave tomorrow. Someone saw the Aura at the market earlier and the reverend is allowing them tonight for the Passing ceremony, but then they must leave the village. If the reverend does not alert higher authorities quickly, he will be penalised by death.

• They leave the church and head for the Field of the Passing, leaving through the village gate. Eoin asks how well Saera remembers their mother, who died when they were young. Saera doesn’t remember her at all, but Eoin remembers loving her despite not remembering her face.

• They reach the field early. Eoin goes into the forest to a clearing with a log in the centre where he and his father used to sit and talk for hours once a week after his mother died. He talks to the trees, telling his father that although he had always said to face his fears, Eoin hoped that he wouldn’t think less of him for running away. After all, his father had also told him to look after Saera. Eoin says he forgot his mother, so how will he remember his father? A heart-shaped leaf drops and Eoin takes it and keeps it to remind him of his father.

• Eoin emerges from the forest. Passing ceremony. It ends with the words: “May you take to the gods in eternal peace. Forneth Moris.”

• The casket is then lit and while the smoke rises, Eoin notices someone saying to Saera: “My dear, you look awfully pale.” Saera pretends to cry to give a reason for why they then run away. They walk very briskly until they are out of sight, and then run through the streets of Tarne until they are back in Saera’s room.


Chapter Two:

• It is early morning and Eoin sits in Saera’s room and watches over her as she sleeps. He looks out the window and can still see smoke rising from the Field of the Passing. He thinks about protecting Saera and the danger she is in.

• It comes to nearly sunrise (which usually happens at around the sixth hour in Válkia) and he wakes Saera up. They prepare to leave. The carts depart at the seventh hour.

• The carts stop for the night, an hour past Heath. Eoin and Saera don’t know how to set up their cover and a man named Faine helps them. He shows them the appropriate knots, tying two strings around two trees and then together, and putting the cover over it. He then places rocks at the base of the material, resulting in the now triangular cover.

• They get to know Faine. “So what do you do?” He is cocky in front of Saera (suggesting his feelings towards her), and she is snarky towards him.

• It gets darker and everyone goes to sleep. Eoin has a dream (of which Saera will have an identical one).

• The dream is interrupted by a few people dragging Eoin up from the ground. He and Saera are both being dragged away from the burning carts. Faine steps up and threatens them with a sword. They send their strongest man in to fight Faine, and Faine wounds him gravely. Eoin elbows one of the two people behind him in the stomach and breaks free. He then punches another man who is holding Saera, and they and Faine run and take horses.

• They ride to Parthon. End with Parthon in view.
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Do you think this moves too quickly, or at a good, steady pace?

The first part of Aundes Aura, chapter one is up this period if any of you are interested. However, I submitted this three weeks ago, and since then have found two inconsistencies in the text which have been addressed in my current draft, but which I am unable to address in the version on Critique Circle.

Also, the scenes are very choppy and it seems as though the characters teleport from one area to the next, to the next, back and to the next again. If you want to be more impressed by what I have up, you may want to wait a few more weeks until the full and revised Chapter One is up, which I must say is reading marginally better already.

Still, if you want something easy to crit, I am leaving my chapter one, part one up since I have waited three weeks for it to come into queue. By reading it you might get the general feel for my style.

But don't worry about this one. I'd much prefer you read the version later down the track, and perhaps think slightly higher of me.

Here is where we finished off last time:

Two days later, the Duthonians attack. Eoin goes down into Emareus Village to fight, but is knocked out. When he awakes, he is in the back of a locked cart with Faine, who had been taken from the dungeon. There is no sign of Saera or Echo.


Eoin and Faine are thrown into a dungeon. Eoin discovers that Faine knows these people. In fact, that he used to be involved with the group. They are the Order, sworn to protect the land of Válkia in the name of the Gods. Their spies had been tracking Eoin, Saera and Faine. Eoin discovers that the Order has taken Saera to Arlea, the island country to the west, and are on their way to a particular volcano, at which a ritual called the Cleansing must be performed in order to release the Aura from the world, and thus return balance. But the only way to complete the Cleansing is to stab Saera in the heart with a ritual blade drenched in holy blood.
 
Echo, who also used to be one of the Order, shows up and frees Eoin and Faine from the dungeon. They ride back to Emareus, and then travel to Ortuaire on the western coast.
 
Briefly, we switch to Saera's point of view, and discover how she is being treated. Back to Eoin, Faine and Echo, they arrive in the port town of Mengerikaan, having crossed the small stretch of sea. When they reach Saera she is tied to a tree, a man's dripping blade raised and prepared to strike. Faine lets and arrow loose and pierces the man's hand before he can complete the ritual.
 
They escape with Saera back into Meira. In a forest along the way, they encounter a group of enigmatic men wearing cloaks. They decide it would be unwise to alert the men of their presence and sneak away. They come across one of them astray from the group. He speaks to them with a hissing voice, and then from his hands he wills a stream of fire towards them. Saera blinds him with her light and they run. Once they escape the forest they can see smoke over the trees where they had been set alight by the man in his fury.
 
Who are these people? Echo explains that they are Naeveri, creatures sent from the Fires Below to solve the imbalance in the world caused by Saera having Aundes Aura, while someone else, somewhere, has another piece of it. Only one person must have an Aura at any given time.

They are told in the next village that Tarne, Eoin and Saera's home village, has been destroyed. The Naeveri spawn from volcanoes, and Tarne sits near Mount Vaenor. At the time the ritual was not completed, all the volcanoes in Vàlkia erupted, and Tarne was destroyed.

The group continue to Emareus, and the Queen has been preparing an attack on the Naeveri base. They tell her it is an impossible battle, that they are too powerful. The Order arrives and requests a teaming up with the Queen.

The Queen sends an escort of one hundred soldiers, including Faine and Echo, to accompany seven High Priests of the Order. They will go to the main volcano from which the Naeveri spawn, and recite a prayer which will send them back to the Fires. At that point, though, a great, fiery demon appears and largely decimates the escort and a number of the priests before they can flee. Echo is injured.

They return to the Queen with news that the attack was unsuccessful. She doesn't know what to do now. The Duthonians are well on their way. The Naeveri are still on the loose. But she must protect the Descendent of Light.

Saera.

The next day the Duthonians attack. The Meiraan army meet them in battle. It begins. As they fight, an army of Naeveri arrive, coming over a hill. Fiery hell ensues.

What happens next? That would be telling.

Background
Aundes Aura is a tale of the lengths people will go to for those they love. Much of the background is based on the concept of the Gods. The Gods are:

Elcalades the Giving, Father of the Gods

Aundes the Shining, Goddess of Light

Kathes the True, Goddess of Nature

Taemus the Blissful, God of Dreams

Careus the Convictor, God of Time

Endures the Great, God of War

Maechre the Escort, God of the Passing

All the Gods sent down their Gifts into the world, that Humanity may use them to solve its problems. But once upon a time, a war broke out as Humanity was using the Gifts to its own ends. That war has since ended, but it lives on in people's hearts.

The Church of Duthonne teaches that Aundes, the Goddess of Light, is evil, because she blinded Humanity, and caused the Great War of the Gods. This is in fact just an excuse created by the Church, a false "reason" for their dislike towards her.

Southern country: Duthonne – Capital: Parthon

Northern country: Meira – Capital: Emareus

Island: Arlea

The Abominations from the Fires Below:

Naeveri (coming from the Albanian word for abomination, “neveri”) are “abominations” sent from the Fires to solve the imbalance in the world. They look like humans, but have red slits for eyes, always wear black, hooded robes and throw fire. Singular form: Naevera.

Their soul intention is to solve the problem of the imbalance by killing either Saera or Eoin. The world is imbalanced because both of them have a fraction of Aundes Aura inside them (although Eoin doesn't know it), while Aundes Aura itself is meant to be a complete element.

Pronunciation: nay-vear-uh (vear rhymes with fear)

nay-vear-ie (vear-ie rhymes with query)


Plot Synopsis

When Eoin's sister Saera absorbs the Aura of a goddess considered evil, her life is instantly threatened. Seven years later, the Aura shows signs of resurfacing. Someone discovers her dark secret, and their only option then is to escape their home town before word spreads. On the travelling carts, they meet the traveller named Faine, who appears learnèd in many travelling arts, as well as in combat.

They arrive at the capital city, and Faine will be competing in the Grand Arena Tournament. Eoin and Saera go along to cheer for him. But during Faine's match, a great burst of light suddenly stuns the Arena, and all turn to look at Saera. Now all know of her secret, and they close in. Faine climbs up into the stands to help Eoin protect his sister. Encountering a score of guards along the way, Eoin, Saera and Faine make it to the stables and ride out from the city, heading for the town closest to the Duthonne-Meira border: Tierra.

This town is not what they expect, though. It has recently been under attack, and is in the process of rebuilding. They discover that the town had an attack ordered against it by the Church because it had been trading with a nearby town in Meira, across the border. This is because the Church consider it a sin to deal with non-believers, and especially those who believe the evil gods are the good.

Faine tells Eoin and Saera that the quickest way to get into Meira is by taking a passage underneath the White Ranges. But it isn't necessarily the easiest. Still, Saera's life is under threat, so they decide to take the plunge.

They emerge on the other side of the White Ranges, and after walking for perhaps half an hour they reach the small town of Efisae. Here Faine introduces them to Echo. Efisae is attacked, and Eoin, Saera, Faine and Echo go down and help drive the Duthonians back out of the town and out of the country.

The group travel to Colette, a village that sits in the middle of a forest, and then up to the capital city of Meira, Emareus. In this country, Aundes is a revered goddess. So when they ask the Queen to help protect Saera from the Duthonians, she promptly agrees. She is not so quick, however, to accept Faine. For reasons unknown to Eoin and Saera, the Queen locks Faine in the dungeon.

Two days later, the Duthonians attack. Eoin goes down into the village to fight, but is knocked out. When he awakes, he is in the back of a locked cart with Faine, who had been taken from the dungeon. There is no sign of Saera or Echo.

The plot synopsis will be continued in part two.