This is just a quick post to ask you all what you think of this renaming for Aundes Aura. Recently a critiquer suggested The Gifted. It seemed appropriate to me, as later in the novel we meet more people who are gifted with Auras and they become involved with the story.

How do you feel about this change of title?

I figured if I cut the scene with the acquaintance, it would flow better, as they could go straight from the castle to the church. I wholly believe it's worked. But through this process, I have learned something about flow.

Sometimes scenes move between areas so quickly that it seems your characters are teleporting. That's how I felt when I read the first draft anyway. But as I worked through it, I took notice of the parts that did seem to flow. What was different?

Well, when it didn't flow, it was because the paragraphs between the two areas were too short. Here is an excerpt from the first version:

"That's it," said Eoin. "You will go to the Passing tonight. I will make sure of it." He left the room and headed back towards the castle's front door. There was only one other person in town who knew Saera had the Aura, and if anyone had the answer to Eoin's questions, it would be him. Old Hanne lived in the common district, across from the house where Eoin and Saera used to live.

Eoin slammed the brass knocker against the door and waited. He smiled and nodded as someone passed him in the street. The door opened.

Soon after, the scene with Old Hanne was removed and they went straight from the castle to the church:

"That's it," said Eoin. "You will go to the Passing tonight. Just come with me." He held out his hand, and Saera hesitated before taking it. They left the room and headed back towards the castle's front door.

Eoin hated the way this society based so much on the appearance of people, and rarely gave a second thought to discover what they might actually be like on the inside. It was society's inability to look deeper than the flesh that put Saera in so much danger. If the light were to come to the surface, people would see only the light. If only they would look deeper they would see an innocent, harmless girl. Still, it was the reason Saera was still safe. No one could see what she had inside her. This curse. This light.

As he stepped out into the street, he felt confined all of a sudden. The creamy-white houses seemed to close in on him from every direction. His heart beat faster. He had to get away from here. He had to get Saera to the Church as soon as possible.

Eoin led Saera through the streets, all the way to the church. Its high, triangular roof cast a shadow upon the streets. There were no windows visible from where Eoin stood. He and Saera ascended the steps, and once they were inside, Eoin closed the door as quickly as he could. It was necessary to ensure that the holy spirits remained within.
 
The last paragraph continues and describes the inside of the church. As dictated by "To Keep or Not To Keep", I decided to describe the inside of the church because it is quite different to the first image that would come to a reader's mind.
 
So what can you do to help transitions between areas to flow into one another more easily? Well, there are a few things.
 
1. Desription: A description of the setting as the character sees it. Perhaps it doesn't have to be literal, as the mind can play tricks on us. You can go into how the character feels about the place. Again, as dictated by "To Keep or Not To Keep", this could be world-building mateial. If it has been said before, don't repeat it.
 
2. Dialogue: In Real Life, people talk as they walk. Conversations elapse time, so when the characters arrive at their destination after the dialogue has finished, it feels right.
 
3. Interior Monologue: Technically, the character thinking to himself, written as narration. An example from the above excerpt would be:
Eoin hated the way this society based so much on the appearance of people, and rarely gave a second thought to discover what they might actually be like on the inside.
And so on. Again, this elapses time in the Real World, so it feels right that time would elapse within the text, and thus bridge the gap between one area and another.
 
So if you ever find a choppy transition between areas and need a fix, just remember the "Three Bridges"*.
 
*Sounds like a good title for a new fantasy novel.

On the brink of despair,
Taemus is there
When you're corrupted by fear,
Taemus is here

Il est présent pour tu,
Terreur Nocturne

Don't forget it

The first part of Aundes Aura, chapter one is up this period if any of you are interested. However, I submitted this three weeks ago, and since then have found two inconsistencies in the text which have been addressed in my current draft, but which I am unable to address in the version on Critique Circle.

Also, the scenes are very choppy and it seems as though the characters teleport from one area to the next, to the next, back and to the next again. If you want to be more impressed by what I have up, you may want to wait a few more weeks until the full and revised Chapter One is up, which I must say is reading marginally better already.

Still, if you want something easy to crit, I am leaving my chapter one, part one up since I have waited three weeks for it to come into queue. By reading it you might get the general feel for my style.

But don't worry about this one. I'd much prefer you read the version later down the track, and perhaps think slightly higher of me.

- Plot
None of that was essential to know, but it makes Faine a deeper character. Knowing that, I can give a certain tone in Faine's dialogue that reflects how he feels about his past.

You can also create backstory to a town. In Aundes Aura there is a village called Tierra, and it sits at the base of the mountains. This village is situated next to the border of Meira, and used to trade with towns from the other country. However, the Church of Duthonne does not agree with the beliefs of the people in Meira, and thus contend that it is a sin to make trades with the country. The Church ordered the village to stop, but it did not as the trades were the most efficient way of keeping the village in stock. As a result the Church ordered a demolition on the village, and it was destroyed.

In knowing that, when the characters travel to Tierra they will discover what happened, and they notice how the village looks half-built as its people try to restore it.

So while backstory may not be essential to the plot, it helps immensely with creating a deeper world and deeper characters.

Character Development: This is the way your characters progress as people throughout the story. Character development is usually given between main plot points. It contributes heavily to pacing, as it breaks up the action of the story and lets us see how the character is adapting to his situation. Character development can be shown through either dialogue or, if it is the POV character, interior monologue.

World Building: How much world building you do will obviously depend on your genre. It is most prominent in fantasy and science-fiction. Deciding on whether you should show a particular feature of the world will depend on how unique it is from what we would find in our own world. For example, we all know what a dog looks like, however, it might be worth mentioning that in this world dogs have three heads and fiery tails.

Recently I had to make a decision on whether or not to show a scene in the church. I decided it was worth showing, as it is different to what you would find here. In particular, at the far end of the church there are gigantic statues of the four Great Gods. Elcalades the Giving stands in the centre of the other three statues, who face him. When someone needs to pray to a particular god, they kneel in front of the statue of the god they wish to communicate to and pray.
________________________________________
If the scene you have written does not contribute to any of these elements, it may not add anything to the story and just be filler.

Make every scene count.

To keep, or not to keep: That is the question
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to endure that which is pointless,
Or to seek out that which is not; and in so seeking,
Give enjoyment unto another.

Ryan Sullivan: So, uh... ee-oyn?

Eoin: It's pronounced like Owen.

R.S: Oh, okay. Eoin, what are your ambitions in life?

Eoin: Ambitions? When I was ten I wanted to be a renowned warrior. I don't care for that anymore. Now... now I don't know what I want. I guess I want to keep my sister safe.

R.S: Safe from what?

Eoin: Oh, you know, she's my little sister and everything. I have to keep her safe from the world.

R.S: Why do you think the world is so dangerous?

Eoin: I wouldn't exactly say the world istself is dangerous, so much as its people.

R.S: Why would anyone want to harm your sister?

Eoin: I can't say... I mean, you know how it is. You never know what's around the corner, so you have to be on your guard.

R.S: What about your parents? Shouldn't they be looking after her?

Eoin: [Looks away.] I don't have any parents.

R.S: I am sorry.

Eoin: Please, don't apologise. I am sick to death of people apologising. It doesn't change the past.

R.S: [Nods.] So if you, uh, have no parents, then who looks after you and your sister?

Eoin: I'm seventeen and she's sixteen. We can look after ourselves. But we live in a castle at our village. It isn't too big, so we don't ever get lost, but it's much nicer than the place where we used to live.

R.S: Where did you used to live?

Eoin: In the lower district, where most of the people in the village live. Some years after Mother passed away, the reverend recognised Father's conribution to the country and we were allowed to live in the castle. He was a blacksmith, and he supplied the Duthonian army with weapons and tools.

R.S: You speak of your mother's passing away as if it were nothing.

Eoin: It happened a very long time ago.

R.S: One last question. Your father blacksmithed for the army. Would you consider fighting for the army in memory of him?

Eoin: While Father supported the army, I think he would prefer that my sister be kept safe. I would never leave her here alone.

R.S: That's it, then. Thank you for your time.

The floor is good. The floor is ground. The ground keeps us up, where we would otherwise fall. Therefore, the floor keeps us up where we would otherwise fall. The floor comes in many flavours: soft, hard, patterned, coloured, shaded. People have many different tastes in floor.

In the Tower of Success, there are countless floors. I am on the first floor. Always aim for the next floor. If Real Life is bullying you, endeavour to hold your ground. Don't fall down the stairs. But if Real Life pushes you down the stairs, there's nothing you can do. All you can do is wait for him to calm down, and then have a talk with him. Hopefully this time he'll help you up the stairs.

To the next floor.

A. Deviation.

On Critique Circle for the past couple of days there has been a thread about the Write or Die tool. I tried it out today and thought I'd share it with you all.

I am a slow writer, but even more so, I get distracted easily. Often when I turn on the computer the first thing I do is open up my Word Document, then bring up the net to check my emails. Then I go to the sites I visit regularly to see what's been happening. Then it's midnight, and I haven't even done my homework.

That's me.

Well, today I was entreated with a way to keep me on my toes, to keep my writing focused. Often I would sit down and say, "Here's an hour. I know you can write 200 words in an hour." Then I would take my merry time writing my 200 words.

Not this time. Having learnt about this mysterious Write or Die tool, I thought I'd give it a shot. You can set the time you would like to write for and the number of words you would like to write in that time.

You also choose consequences (if you stop writing for a time) and grace period (how long before the screen slowly fades to red and you are assailed by awful music). If you choose "strict" grace period you will be given five to ten seconds before the screen starts to go red. If you choose evil, you only get a couple of seconds.

If you choose "normal" consequences, you get previously said awful music. If you choose "kamikaze", after 10 to 20 seconds, your words will start to be deleted. For now, I think normal strict is a good setting for me.

And the result? I said before that I used to aim for 200 words in an hour. Using Write or Die, I set up to write 100 words in twenty minutes. I wrote 208 in 22 minutes. Pretty good in my opinion.

This is great, not only because I actively procrastinate from doing anything constructive, but because I am one of the people who usually edit as they go, looking for that perfect sentence before moving on. I do feel now, that it's more important that I get the words out onto the page, and once they're there, I can edit them all I want, for hours if I wish.

http://writeordie.drwicked.com/

I apologise for my barrenness in posts lately. School has just returned and I am crowded with homework as though I'm famous and the homework is my fans. I believe I have at least one more World Building post to write, and updates on my progress still to come.

In that respect, I will now announce that I have finished the prologue for Aundes Aura (the first draft anyway), and have begun work on Chapter One. In fact I have taken a week-long break from writing to get back into the swing of school.

If anyone is interested, my Aundes Aura prologue is now up in the Fantasy queue, so please feel free to have a read.

Here is where we finished off last time:

Two days later, the Duthonians attack. Eoin goes down into Emareus Village to fight, but is knocked out. When he awakes, he is in the back of a locked cart with Faine, who had been taken from the dungeon. There is no sign of Saera or Echo.


Eoin and Faine are thrown into a dungeon. Eoin discovers that Faine knows these people. In fact, that he used to be involved with the group. They are the Order, sworn to protect the land of Válkia in the name of the Gods. Their spies had been tracking Eoin, Saera and Faine. Eoin discovers that the Order has taken Saera to Arlea, the island country to the west, and are on their way to a particular volcano, at which a ritual called the Cleansing must be performed in order to release the Aura from the world, and thus return balance. But the only way to complete the Cleansing is to stab Saera in the heart with a ritual blade drenched in holy blood.
 
Echo, who also used to be one of the Order, shows up and frees Eoin and Faine from the dungeon. They ride back to Emareus, and then travel to Ortuaire on the western coast.
 
Briefly, we switch to Saera's point of view, and discover how she is being treated. Back to Eoin, Faine and Echo, they arrive in the port town of Mengerikaan, having crossed the small stretch of sea. When they reach Saera she is tied to a tree, a man's dripping blade raised and prepared to strike. Faine lets and arrow loose and pierces the man's hand before he can complete the ritual.
 
They escape with Saera back into Meira. In a forest along the way, they encounter a group of enigmatic men wearing cloaks. They decide it would be unwise to alert the men of their presence and sneak away. They come across one of them astray from the group. He speaks to them with a hissing voice, and then from his hands he wills a stream of fire towards them. Saera blinds him with her light and they run. Once they escape the forest they can see smoke over the trees where they had been set alight by the man in his fury.
 
Who are these people? Echo explains that they are Naeveri, creatures sent from the Fires Below to solve the imbalance in the world caused by Saera having Aundes Aura, while someone else, somewhere, has another piece of it. Only one person must have an Aura at any given time.

They are told in the next village that Tarne, Eoin and Saera's home village, has been destroyed. The Naeveri spawn from volcanoes, and Tarne sits near Mount Vaenor. At the time the ritual was not completed, all the volcanoes in Vàlkia erupted, and Tarne was destroyed.

The group continue to Emareus, and the Queen has been preparing an attack on the Naeveri base. They tell her it is an impossible battle, that they are too powerful. The Order arrives and requests a teaming up with the Queen.

The Queen sends an escort of one hundred soldiers, including Faine and Echo, to accompany seven High Priests of the Order. They will go to the main volcano from which the Naeveri spawn, and recite a prayer which will send them back to the Fires. At that point, though, a great, fiery demon appears and largely decimates the escort and a number of the priests before they can flee. Echo is injured.

They return to the Queen with news that the attack was unsuccessful. She doesn't know what to do now. The Duthonians are well on their way. The Naeveri are still on the loose. But she must protect the Descendent of Light.

Saera.

The next day the Duthonians attack. The Meiraan army meet them in battle. It begins. As they fight, an army of Naeveri arrive, coming over a hill. Fiery hell ensues.

What happens next? That would be telling.

Background
Aundes Aura is a tale of the lengths people will go to for those they love. Much of the background is based on the concept of the Gods. The Gods are:

Elcalades the Giving, Father of the Gods

Aundes the Shining, Goddess of Light

Kathes the True, Goddess of Nature

Taemus the Blissful, God of Dreams

Careus the Convictor, God of Time

Endures the Great, God of War

Maechre the Escort, God of the Passing

All the Gods sent down their Gifts into the world, that Humanity may use them to solve its problems. But once upon a time, a war broke out as Humanity was using the Gifts to its own ends. That war has since ended, but it lives on in people's hearts.

The Church of Duthonne teaches that Aundes, the Goddess of Light, is evil, because she blinded Humanity, and caused the Great War of the Gods. This is in fact just an excuse created by the Church, a false "reason" for their dislike towards her.

Southern country: Duthonne – Capital: Parthon

Northern country: Meira – Capital: Emareus

Island: Arlea

The Abominations from the Fires Below:

Naeveri (coming from the Albanian word for abomination, “neveri”) are “abominations” sent from the Fires to solve the imbalance in the world. They look like humans, but have red slits for eyes, always wear black, hooded robes and throw fire. Singular form: Naevera.

Their soul intention is to solve the problem of the imbalance by killing either Saera or Eoin. The world is imbalanced because both of them have a fraction of Aundes Aura inside them (although Eoin doesn't know it), while Aundes Aura itself is meant to be a complete element.

Pronunciation: nay-vear-uh (vear rhymes with fear)

nay-vear-ie (vear-ie rhymes with query)


Plot Synopsis

When Eoin's sister Saera absorbs the Aura of a goddess considered evil, her life is instantly threatened. Seven years later, the Aura shows signs of resurfacing. Someone discovers her dark secret, and their only option then is to escape their home town before word spreads. On the travelling carts, they meet the traveller named Faine, who appears learnèd in many travelling arts, as well as in combat.

They arrive at the capital city, and Faine will be competing in the Grand Arena Tournament. Eoin and Saera go along to cheer for him. But during Faine's match, a great burst of light suddenly stuns the Arena, and all turn to look at Saera. Now all know of her secret, and they close in. Faine climbs up into the stands to help Eoin protect his sister. Encountering a score of guards along the way, Eoin, Saera and Faine make it to the stables and ride out from the city, heading for the town closest to the Duthonne-Meira border: Tierra.

This town is not what they expect, though. It has recently been under attack, and is in the process of rebuilding. They discover that the town had an attack ordered against it by the Church because it had been trading with a nearby town in Meira, across the border. This is because the Church consider it a sin to deal with non-believers, and especially those who believe the evil gods are the good.

Faine tells Eoin and Saera that the quickest way to get into Meira is by taking a passage underneath the White Ranges. But it isn't necessarily the easiest. Still, Saera's life is under threat, so they decide to take the plunge.

They emerge on the other side of the White Ranges, and after walking for perhaps half an hour they reach the small town of Efisae. Here Faine introduces them to Echo. Efisae is attacked, and Eoin, Saera, Faine and Echo go down and help drive the Duthonians back out of the town and out of the country.

The group travel to Colette, a village that sits in the middle of a forest, and then up to the capital city of Meira, Emareus. In this country, Aundes is a revered goddess. So when they ask the Queen to help protect Saera from the Duthonians, she promptly agrees. She is not so quick, however, to accept Faine. For reasons unknown to Eoin and Saera, the Queen locks Faine in the dungeon.

Two days later, the Duthonians attack. Eoin goes down into the village to fight, but is knocked out. When he awakes, he is in the back of a locked cart with Faine, who had been taken from the dungeon. There is no sign of Saera or Echo.

The plot synopsis will be continued in part two.

I have just passed 20,000 words!

My 20,000th word was -- wait for it -- a.

Yes, the first letter of the alphabet is my 20,000th word.

Today I am going to tell you all about where my writing of fiction began, where it developed, all the way up to where I am am now.

Grade One:
The first time I ever picked up a felt-tip pen and wrote my first story was sometime in Grade One. At that time I was seven years old (as is common in Australia). My first stories were very short and minimalistic. There were no settings, no plots, only characters and their situations. These stories were based on either experiences I'd had, or experiences I wished to have. My friend and I would collaborate on stories. He used to want to be a train driver, so we would write stories about him being a train driver. I always wanted to have powers, so I would write stories in which I had them.

The first story I wrote which had a unique (albeit shallow) character whose name I didn't take from someone or something I knew was called "The Whole New World". Does that title remind you at all of Aladin? So, this character named Cersty (Kirsty) had powers, and she fought her sister and won. Then she travelled the world fighting many evil people, and eventually she lost. Then she went to heaven, and references were made to Moses, Jesus and Mary. I don't remember if she ended up staying in heaven or going home. It was written nearly ten years ago after all.

Grade Two:
Grade Two was perhaps my proudest year. I wrote a story with a plot in a small notebook called "A Magical World". This was back when I was reading Harry Potter for the first time, and a lot of inspiration came from that. The setting was a castle where witches and wizards were trained. There were three friends: Sam, Peter and Ashley. Firstly I wrote Sam's story, which was three parts. I completed that. Then I wrote Peter's story, and that also had three parts. I completed that. They were each sixteen pages long. I came to Ashley's story, though, and only reached four pages before I stopped writing. The last word I wrote on "A Magical World" was and.

The perfect cliffhanger.

Grade Three:
I wrote nothing as notable in Grade Three, but I continued to devise short stories that were mostly unfinished.

Grade Four:
I began to rewrite "A Magical World". This rewrite was completely fresh. The names were changed to James Pendower, Mitchell Buller and Misty Peppermill. There is no shade or sliver of the plot of the two-year-old original to be found. But it drew countlessly more parallels to Harry Potter. When I say countlessly, I mean there were so many parallels that it is in fact funny. Apart from the talented main character, the not-so-talented male friend and the very talented female friend, the school itself is a blatant Harry Potter reference.

Pigsnouts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

I had some original ideas, though, whether bad or horrible. Like the under-developed Quidditch replacement, which I called Forequest. Students would fly on Unicorns and fight mid-air with swords. Wait! Unicorns don't fly! Also, in Transformation class (Transfiguration) students were taught to merge with their Unicorn to become a Centaur.

Towards the end, for no given reason the Manager (Headmaster) makes the children the Manager's Assistants. They help to take down the evil Logan Cuesty on Mayfair Island (Monopoly). James uses his knowlege of the elements to battle him, but in the end Cuesty gives up. He gives a device to the Manager, saying it will show him where all the evil wizards are. Then Misty spontaneously remembers that it is her birthday tomorrow.

The next day they have a birthday party for Misty and Logan Cuesty is there, laughing with them as though he had been their friend the whole time. I don't think I was going to write much more than that, but it stopped there. I never got to write "The End".

In the whole story I never went into description of the setting, and nor did I write any interior monologue. It was in first person, too. At the time I stopped writing it it was just over ten thousand words.

Grade Five:
Early year five. Eleven years old. I wrote a story in a completely unique world, as in a world that was like Earth, but was not Earth. I called it World War. Here is an excerpt:

I picked up the phone and dialed the number. It felt very odd; there was a strange sensation in the pit of my stomach. The Richelieu was going to fight against the Abonasians. The city of Osmocryland, Richelieu, was going to face the city of Nalyrk, Abonasia, and then venture down to the city of Mothorituar, Richelieu, and then face Fialmu, Abonasia.

I wrote only four pages of that story.

Towards the end of the year my friend suggested a collaboration story involving pirates. I quickly agreed and we began to brainstorm plot ideas.

Grade Six:
During the hoidays before i started Grade Six I worked on the new story, "British Pirate". The thing is, I never did any research. The novel was horribly historically incorrect, with crossovers between pirates and Vikings. This time each chapter was exactly three pages long in a Word document. Still, my characterization improved, and I entered interior monologue a few times. I described the setting more as well, and got an idea for how to set out dialogue.

Year Seven:
During this year I continued to work on "British Pirate".

Year Eight:
I didn't quite get near the end, and stopped writing it at around twenty-two thousand, three-hundred words. For as slow a writer as I was back then, I got pretty far.

Year Nine:
It was possibly towards the end of the school holidays when I came up with the idea for a new story. I think the first thing that came into my head was the title: Until They Unite. In my mind this was the One that finally had a chance at being published, with a plot that was interesting enough for people to keep reading, charcacters that were believable and an actual backstory. A world that was interesting and different from the one we know. I created a language, which was simply a code of switched alphabetic letters, and called it Hewa (mine). Brec ec ha, c'xaypewz Hewa. I really don't like that anymore; it looks horrid. I now prefer just to make the language up, on a basis of Latin. So for different regions I can have something more Italian, or something more Germanic, French or Spanish.

Alas, once more I failed to complete the story. I had it all planned out, but somewhere along the way I lost confidence in myself. I stopped writing Until They Unite at nineteen-thousand, three-hundred words, sometime early 2009.

Year Ten:
This was the beginning of my current work-in-progress. One day in March I had a cold and took the day off from school (which I rarely do). It was incredible. I lay there in bed, my eyes closed as I tried to rest, and an image popped into my head. It was an image of a girl in a cave, standing by a mystical, glowing stalagmite. There was a great flash of light as she touched the stalagmite, and she had now absorbed the light. The fact that she had this light would change her life. She was no longer safe.

I have much to say about Aundes Aura, so you can look forward to that in my next post.

Finally I believe I have a story with enough backstory, enough depth of world, enough depth of character. The characters have their own histories, enough that I could tell the story from a completely different perspective. I have been writing this since September, and already I am past nineteen-thousand words. I am speeding past my other attempts, laughing as I go.

These past ten years have all been leading up to this.

Just now after much, much pondering and calculating, I have finally decided upon a new daily writing goal for myself. This new goal is absolutely shocking. You would never expect that I would be lowering the count!

My goal used to be 300 words. Then it was lowered to 200 words. I am now lowering it once more to just 160 words.

My reasoning behind this: It is easier to write 160 words than 200, no? My aim for before the year's end is to have reached very near the end of my novel by the 31st of December. This new 160 word aim gives me 4,800 words a month, and in extension I would have more than 75,000 words by the end of the year!

What are your thoughts? Am I thinking too much? Should I have a higher goal?