Au Terreur

Terreur, je n'ai eu pas des amis que j'adore comme j'adorais mes amis il y a trois ans.

Terreur, I have never had any friends that I love as much as those I had three years ago, before I left. At recess and lunch I stand with a group of people of whom some accept me while many of them don't, and only go to the movies in their tight-knit group.

But what's really sad? My long-term memory. The fact that I can't even remember the inside part of "The Parliament". I miss having true friends, save for the few I have gained and kept.

I wished I could have reacted bigger when I drove past you today, but when I drive, I grip the wheel very tight and my hands go white.

I stuck with you for a year and a half because I loved you, no matter what.

And now there is nothing, and I live on the hill, writing day after day and trying to maintain a blog so I can help other writers and entertain people and market my novel. And to feel that people actually like me because of who I am, what I know and what I do.

I haven't heard from Mykaelah since, but I know Brod well enough. One day Clinky asked if we could go to Fountain Gate. I said "sounds cool, I'll see when I'm available". And I never spoke to her about it again.

I got a text from Sarah once. It said she "liked" me. I probably responded with something like "okay", and never spoke of it again. Because I loved you, and I was with you, and she was your friend and I didn't want to hurt you.

Isn't it funny how the past seems to have disintegrated? Like it's so long ago that it never existed. It feels like a dream to me. It feels like a dream I had this morning, and a dream that I would have for the future. Wouldn't it be a dream to be around people you love and who love you back?

I had my dream three years ago, and now it's gone.

So I'm looking at a new dream. Not the dream of this morning, but the dream I'll have tonight. To be with someone who loves me for who I am, what I know and what I do. To do what I love, what I know, and what makes me who I am.

I might not make a living out of writing.

But writing will make a living out of me.

Because writing is my life.

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Welcome to The Dark Corner of the Mind. My name is Ryan Sullivan and my aim with this blog is to help others with their own writing, as well as to make note of some of my own writing endeavours.

Here at The Dark Corner, Real Life is both our best friend and our worst enemy. Look to him for inspiration, but don't let him get in the way too much.

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