As I lay in bed and the early morning hours creep by, the unwelcome heat of the night stealing my sleep away, I find myself baffled by this thing we call Life. It is a phenomenon that is just absolutely incomprehensible.

And I'm not talking about that cliché, "What's the meaning of life?" Not that kind of life. I mean Life. That is, being. Being something. Something different to someone else. I contend that your "soul" is the reason you are within your body, and I am in mine.

And this is what I can't comprehend. Bodies are just things; structures. Blood, bones, skin and plenty of other disgusting stuff all mushed together.

So why is it that I can feel this keyboard. Isn't the body just a structure? Central nervous system or not, it is the soul giving Life to this body that I cannot for the Life of me understand.

So that's Life.

Enter Death.

I don't have a religion. I have somewhat of an existental nihilistic view on life. Maybe that's just because nobody's given me any answers, or a simple, clear-cut, "This is what happens after Death, and here's the evidence."

But then, those views are only "somewhat", while I have my own theories on what could possibly happen after Death greets you.

[For those of you who are religious, none of the following is intended to knock any religion. The following are just views and ideas. I will be fairly blunt.]

I think that when my Life's done living, I will go to a place where there is no touch, smell, taste, sight or sound, no emotion and no thought, and no sense of being. All these are bodily functions. A body that's not working can't perform these functions.

My theory is that, after Death, the soul leaves the body and rests in the next closest "host". And this is an ongoing process. As far as I'm concerned, at some point my soul occupied the body of someone in the Middle Ages.

But memory is also something not carried by the soul. And as I watch technology advance, I realise that I've still got a lot to see (by the time I pass on, I'll be in the future -- I think that seems like a fair observation). But I also realise that the 18 (for I could, in fact, die tomorrow) - 150 (for I can't predict medical technology 30+ years from now) years I live will be such a small snippet of humankind's progression, and I wish that the soul did carry memory. Because if my soul does, for instance, take a place in 3010, the body it occupies will not remember any of what I learned in my whole lifetime.

Which brings me to another point. What is the point in Life? Why do these souls go around giving life to things created. There can't be any point in it. And I think I've come to the conclusion just now, that they just do. There is no point in it.

I don't believe in Heaven. I wish I could be convinced that there is one, but again, when the body dies, so with it does its functions. A soul is lifeless without a host. But it's Life. We have a two-way conversation here. One can't be without the other. A soul has no sense, no being, without a body. A body is lifeless without a soul.

But it isn't this why that baffles me. It's the how. Every living creature must have a soul. When you die, does it stay with you and become useless?

I don't know what happens after Death. That's why I intend to make the most out of my Life. I think when you're old and tired, Nothingness is better than pain. If some kind of Heaven awaits me, then I'll be pleasantly surprised. Although, I wouldn't go to Heaven, since I'm not religious -- I would go to Hell. In which case, I would be not-so-pleasantly surprised.

Did you know that insects and spiders can't feel pain because they're invertebrate and don't have a central nervous system? That's why they don't seem to mind moving around with a missing leg or two.

I looked it up because I felt sorry for the insects that I inevitably step on every day.

And it gives me hope for when I die and hatch as an ant.


Mysti said...

Ryan, I think that's the deepest question that people have pondered since the beginning of time. We'll never really know what happens after death until we experience it ourselves. For now, all we have are beliefs, theories, and faith in whatever afterlife we think exists. I'm a Christian, but I've always believed that no one, no matter how religious they are, really knows what to expect and it will completely surprise us when death happens :)

Ryan Sullivan said...

It's an amazing thing. Life is a miracle, and Being is astounding -- baffling. And Death... Death is intriguing.

Once I truly feel I've lived my life, I'll gladly shuffle off this mortal coil and discover what awaits me.

Mysti said...

I plan on living so long, people start asking, "Is she still alive??" :)

Julia Hones said...

The beginning and end of life are both unpredictable. There is a mystery that neither art nor science can understand and control.

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Welcome to The Dark Corner of the Mind. My name is Ryan Sullivan and my aim with this blog is to help others with their own writing, as well as to make note of some of my own writing endeavours.

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