Outlining: Chapter One (revised outline)

While writing today I was struck by the desire to write out the revised outline for Chapter One. I don't know why. Lately I've had a great sense of needing a good idea of how things are going to pan out. I can only attribute it to that. Well, I'd like to see what you guys think of it.

For those who have read the first chapter, does this look like an improvement? For those who haven't, how do you think this could be improved?

Chapter One (revised outline)
·      Eoin is sneaking around Old Hanne’s house. He’s about to steal a few pieces of bread. There’s a flash of light and he hears stairs creaking. He runs outside. Saera’s kneeling on the ground. He helps her up and they run. She tells him she saw Hanne get up, and she can’t explain what happened next.
·      They get back to their tree, where they’ve been sheltering inside a huge hollow in the trunk. A month ago their father had been conscripted into the army. He’d refused to fight and they took him away. Eoin knows from the stories that he would have been thrown into the dungeons. Since then they have taught themselves to steal food and pilfer coin as they try to save up enough to take the carts to the city, where Eoin can become an apprentice and they can live in the quarters provided.
·      That morning they head to the market. On the noticeboard they see pinned: Wanted: Descendant of Aundes, the Blinding Goddess. 1,000 gold.
·      Eoin and Saera decide the only way they can resolve this is to get rid of the Aura. They go to the church to pray in hopes that the gods will take the Aura back. Saera says it didn’t work, and Eoin asks how she knows. She tells him she just knows.
·      The reverend enters the church. He speaks to them, with a sense of suspicion on his tongue. “Is it you they’re looking for?” he says, off-handedly. Saera and Eoin go to run but he catches them. “Don’t be alarmed, now. I’m here to help.” He explains that as a reverend he is expected to know about the gods, and he knows no god is evil. Of course, he can’t go around saying that or he’ll be thrown into an insane asylum. But he knows someone who can help them. He gives them a pouch of coins and a letter to his master in the city. They will have to leave now, though, for he is compelled to inform authorities lest he be thrown into the dungeons like their father.
(After the Master Ecclesiarch completes his ritual with them, he will tell them “Something is wrong.” The reason is a secret for now.)

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Welcome to The Dark Corner of the Mind. My name is Ryan Sullivan and my aim with this blog is to help others with their own writing, as well as to make note of some of my own writing endeavours.

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