Aundes Aura: Chapter One (Part One) - Critique Circle: 17th - 24th of March

The first part of Aundes Aura, chapter one is up this period if any of you are interested. However, I submitted this three weeks ago, and since then have found two inconsistencies in the text which have been addressed in my current draft, but which I am unable to address in the version on Critique Circle.

Also, the scenes are very choppy and it seems as though the characters teleport from one area to the next, to the next, back and to the next again. If you want to be more impressed by what I have up, you may want to wait a few more weeks until the full and revised Chapter One is up, which I must say is reading marginally better already.

Still, if you want something easy to crit, I am leaving my chapter one, part one up since I have waited three weeks for it to come into queue. By reading it you might get the general feel for my style.

But don't worry about this one. I'd much prefer you read the version later down the track, and perhaps think slightly higher of me.

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zellakate said...

Ryan, I had this version marked to crit. Do you want me to just wait? :)

Jean Davis said...

You do know that you could have revised the version in the queue up until last night, right? I often revise mine right up to the last minute as changes happen in the text further down the line.

I also had this marked, do you want me to wait?

Ryan Sullivan said...

Thanks for having it marked, guys. If you still want to crit it, I don't mind, as long as you are aware and keep in mind that there will be a more pleasant version along the way.

To be honest, the first 1,425 words will be essentially the same, but the last scene you read this period has been cut.

Jean, I think revision of a story is only a premium option. I remember attempting to do this.

So I don't really mind if you want to crit. You will at least get an idea of the direction I am taking with the chapter. Then if you crit the full and revised chapter one, I won't expect you to re-crit anything, but you might notice how much better it (hopefully) reads.

Jean Davis said...

Hmm, that might be. It's well worth paying for then. I'd go nuts not being able to revise after noticing all the crud that I find the moment after I hit submit (even though I read the darn chapter ten times before doing so).:)

Ok, I'll see if I get to it this week then. If I I'm running behind, I'll just wait for the next one.

zellakate said...

Ryan, I will see if I can get to it this week, but I doubt that will happen. :'(

I suppose the crit will be more useful for you when the more polished version comes up, so I will definitely crit that! :)

Ryan Sullivan said...

That's cool, guys. Thanks for your support. :)

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Welcome to The Dark Corner of the Mind. My name is Ryan Sullivan and my aim with this blog is to help others with their own writing, as well as to make note of some of my own writing endeavours.

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