Pre-Good Friday Excerpt from Chapter Eleven

In order to understand some of the jokes in ths excerpt, I will give you some information about the scene just preceding. Early on, we meet Faine's horse, and he has named her Nardéa. Nardéa, apparently, is the Válkian word for fierce. When they go to Emareus, the capital city of this country, they find themselves at the house of a Gifted, a woman with Kathes Aura.

This woman, awkwardly also named Nardéa, doesn't know how to control her Aura, and her home is basically an indoor forest, while outside her garden and walls are overgrown. Saera calls the place "weird". Faine jokes that the woman should have been called Loccâda instead - the Válkian word for stubborn - when she says she won't join them to help Meira against Duthonne.


Athrù was showing them the way to the Thief-King’s residences. Wherever he stayed, so did those who worked for him. It was part of the initiation into the so-called Underground, Athrù told them, to leave one’s family behind. The Underground would become one’s family. Often this posed no problem, as a sizeable percentage of those who joined the Underground had been struggling orphans.
Passing under a long, tunnel-like archway, Saera stopped and placed a hand on her chin. “There’s still one thing I don’t understand, Athrù. If we are so desperate to contact the Queen, why are we going to the King of the Underground? Isn’t that a little contradictory?”
Athrù turned around and took her by the shoulder. Slowly he lowered his face. Then, grinning at Faine and shaking his head, he said, “So much to learn and so little time. Faine, you know how it works. Give her the long story short.”
Faine spoke while they moved on, Athrù clearly ignoring the explanation. The Underground was an organisation covertly supported by the Queen. She was in favour of the manner in which its existence reduced th­­­­e population of homeless orphans and the need to fund orphanages all around Meira. The true aim of the Underground was to even out the distribution of wealth by stealing from the rich in order to feed the poor. In fact, the Underground had always been around in some form since Emareus was first built. The Queen, in admiration of their values, encouraged and supported their expansion to reach more Meiraan in need. So it was in this way that the Queen and the Thief-King were in tight acquaintance, no matter how it seemed from the outside. That was why, in approaching the Thief-King, their matter would reach the Queen’s ears in haste, thus bypassing the ever cynical letter-scourers.
“The Queen is as crazy as Nardéa Horse-Woman,” said Saera. “Endorsing thievery? What has the world come to?”
“Desperate times, young one,” said Athrù, jokingly condescending her once more.
“Don’t call me that.”
“I think the title is apt. You are sixteen years old and still have six years less experience than Faine did at your age.”
“I’ll show you experience,” mumbled Saera. She walked up and pushed Athrù into the wall, causing him to stumble comically.
“Whoa, horsey!” called Athrù, raising his hands to shoulder height. “I think you were misnamed. Should have been called Nardéa.”
Eoin and Faine laughed at Athrù and his unique situation.
“Hey, shut up.” Saera turned on Eoin and punched him in the shoulder, sending it numb.
Athrù hefted his pack up higher. “Enough of that. We’re nearly there.”
Rubbing his arm, Eoin followed Athrù where he had turned left into a dark alleyway. At the very end of the alleyway was a sewer access cover. Engraved in the circular metal there could be read:
NO ENTRY IS PERMITTED UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES due to highly terminal poisons which must NOT be released into the community. Any persons discovered to have released said poisons will be charged with attempted manslaughter, without hearing.
Kindest regards,
– Her Royal Highness, Queen Therese IV.

posted under , |


mooderino said...

I even got the joke (once you'd set it up of course). Thius felt pretty well constructed, but even if you have days when it isn't working our quite so smoothly, soldier on.

well done,

Ryan Sullivan said...

Thanks, Mood, sounds like an awesome approach.

I have to say I was pretty proud of what came out. Especially the language construction. I don't think it was particularly clunky (except in one place), but I think it felt more mature. I hope it does to others as well. It felt good to put it out here. :D

Post a Comment

Newer Post Older Post Home

Welcome to The Dark Corner of the Mind. My name is Ryan Sullivan and my aim with this blog is to help others with their own writing, as well as to make note of some of my own writing endeavours.

Here at The Dark Corner, Real Life is both our best friend and our worst enemy. Look to him for inspiration, but don't let him get in the way too much.

If he does, bribe him with cookies.

Mailing list for new books by Ryan Sullivan

Click for Amazon page!

Three Bridges

Total Pageviews

Recent Comments